Day 38

22 September 2014

Dear Friend,

 It has been far too long since we last talked. I am quite sure that you have missed me, I know that I have missed you. Or rather, I have missed you when my mind has had time to wander. Jeff says that we always have to be thinking on ECOEE, implying that we may have time where we won't think. I agree with you, though, when you told me that ECOEE would keep me so preoccupied and busy that thoughts of home or friends would scarcely cross my mind.

 Because this has been busy. Not only am I living out of a duffel bag and tent, but I have homework. I also have a life at home to keep track of. Oh, and there are some weeks where I help lead ECOEE. And on top of that, I'm visiting places all over the continent. How did you come back with only one gray hair? I'll be coming back with a whole new set of gray ones! Then I'll really look like my dad…

 But let's get to the point of everything. What am I here for? Well, it's not for vacation, that's for sure. If I wanted one of those, I would have stayed put in my apartment in Macomb. What am I getting here that I can't get in Currens? Now that is the question worth asking. Because I'm sure that, to an extent, these classes exist there. But the people do not.

 The vast majority of my peers in Currens are not interested in learning and growing like the other ten here are. I assume (a risky thing to do) that those still at WIU place a higher value on drinking or having a good time.

 The skills and knowledge I am gaining here are unlike any I will get anywhere else. Sure, the stresses of ECOEE may shave a few years off of my life, but that doesn't really matter.

 I'm here because I remember you before and after ECOEE, and I aspire to be at the same caliber you are. So thank you for supporting and encouraging me to do this. It's one of the reasons you are my favorite. I'll be seeing you Saturday. Good luck.

               Regards,

               Anthony Killion

Day 37

September 21, 2014

Today marked our return to the United States after a month in the beautiful country of Canada and yes what I have read on the interwebs on Canada is true. Canadians are the nicest people I have ever come across, they really care for people. Like as they say in their National Anthem “With glowing hearts we see thee rise.” You can literally spark a conservation with any Canadian and they will tell you anything such as the little tips and tricks to getting by in that area. The memories that we will take from this experience is something only our group will really understand and probably not anyone else. We fended off mamma bear and her cub for 2 days; we canoed through what felt like 3 seasons. First was the summer nothing but sunshine then that quickly turned to spring and that brought nothing but days and more days and even more days of rain and then when we thought the rain was done and the sun was shining more rain came in through the horizon. Soon after, the late Canadian summer brought in winter flocking winter for our groups sake it did make the pines look like Christmas and that’s where I got to sing Where are you Christmas. Moving back into front country has been quite the transition. Living in the backcountry makes you realize how easy life is at home. All it takes to make a meal at home is to pause your TV, get off the couch, open the fridge, then press some buttons on the microwave then wait a minute and thirty seconds then boom a meal is done. In the back country it’s quite different. Usually we have to set up camp, organize our dry bags, get warm, put together the kitchen, dig through our food bags, find a place to strike the matches, get water for the dramadaries ok I’m going to stop now before I make you cringe. I’ll just say it takes some effort. This was an extremely humbling experience I will never forget and hopefully my group feels the same way. But it’s time to go back the United States but until we meet next time Canada I will be waiting for the next adventure.

-Kenny Bambini

Day 35

September 19, 2014

            Today was the last day on the river for the group. Our goal was met. We completed our 194 mile Missinaibi River expedition. We paddled to Mattice from the Glassy Falls campsite, unloaded, cleaned the gear and boats, loaded the trailer and hit the road to scoop up our other van. The first stop was Tim Hortons where we ordered twice because we all ate our doughnuts and bagels like we haven’t seen food in a month… and we were in a big hurry to make sure Jeff wouldn’t leave us in Canada. After that it was about a five hour ride back to Hawk Junction where our journey began. That’s when everything really started to settle in… we did a 28 day back country expedition from Hawk Junction to Mattice, and it took us a measly 5 hour drive to get back to the starting point. It’s very obvious Mattice was never the goal. We could have done the trip in half the time if Mattice was the goal. The goal was to gain knowledge, skill, and strength. The goal was to develop. And we did just that. From day one on the river til now, each one of us has gained knowledge. We know how to pick out campsites, hang bear bags, set up tarps, leave no trace, stay warm, and use different stoves and tents, read rapids and more. We gained skill in canoeing. From getting hung up on rocks and looking sloppy to a nice convoy hitting rapids, cooking tasty meals after  to end our long days, portaging efficiently instead of making it an all-day process, to knocking out a mile portage in less time than our first 600 meter one. We gained strength both mentally and physically. From canoeing 8 miles and saying it was a long day to killing an 18 mile day with multiple portages and calling it normal. From cringing and whining about being wet and cold to simply laughing at the matter knowing we can power through it and that our bodies can take a beating. Mattice was never a goal, but being an outdoor leader is, and were on route to that goal.

-Greg Strobel

Day 33 & 34

9/17/14

The following entry is inspired by the children’s book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

I woke up this morning to the soft beep-beep-beep of my wrist watch. 5:30 A.M. And I knew it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

There was condensation on the outside of my sleeping bag. That could only mean one thing – it was freezing outside and considerably warmer in my sleeping bag. And I hate getting up in the cold. It was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I pulled on cold clothes and damp socks. I laced up my wet boots. And I knew it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I think I’ll move to Australia.

My tent group had Cream of Wheat for breakfast, but the stove wouldn’t work. We tried to borrow a stove from a different tent group, but the food tasted burnt. And I knew it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

As we packed our bags, it started to snow. Snow is September! While we had to paddle on a river! It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

There were twenty-three miles and nine portages ahead of us. And I had to be the navigator. I hate being the navigator! I knew it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I think I’ll move to Australia.

My hands and feet were freezing while I sat in the canoe. My stomach began to rumble as we neared the afternoon. My back ached from the portages and my wrist hurt from when I slipped on the rocks. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. And Ontario, Canada is nowhere near Australia!

But I was not alone in the sufferings of the day – I had my wonderful tent mates and the other expedition members to lean on. And as we laughed during debrief about all the misadventures of the day, I realized that the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days of ECOEE would come and go, but the bonds and memories we form will not fade. And they outweigh the challenges. As uncomfortable as it is, there is no place I’d rather be. Not even Australia.

Jillian Ross

I woke up at five am with enthusiasm. We actually made it! Our last full day of paddling on the Missinaibi River had finally come. I was anxious to get on the water I nearly inhaled my oatmeal while trying to pack up the last of my things into my not-so-dry bags. It is a weird feeling- knowing that the goal you’ve been working toward for the last month is coming up just around the bend and tomorrow, we will be arriving at Mattice and getting off the river. It feels so good knowing that this one last day of paddling will take me to a dry, fresh smelling pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt.

As I’m sitting in the canoe, feet numb and pained from the cold, face wind burnt to a crisp, muscles aching from the constant struggle to stay in a line and keep up with the boat in front of me; I have nothing to complain about. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, it’s a great day to be alive. Our clothes are dry and our spirits are high. There is nothing stopping us from reaching Mattice. We are all working so hard. I am pushing myself harder than I ever have before, physically and mentally. But this is what we do, day in and day out, and it hasn’t been easy. I can’t help but look back in nostalgia at our past 27 days on the fast-moving water. We have come a LONG way since Hawk Junction, not just in mileage but in character. Each day of this river expedition I’ve learned things about myself and about what living like a voyager really means. It means sacrificing your dry boots for a dry canoe, your dignity for the prosperity of others.

This is our expedition; and it is just the beginning of it. It’s crazy to think that we are just a month in, and it seems like just yesterday we were struggling to load our canoes onto a trailer. The weeks out here are so long, but the months fly by. Sometimes we forget what we came here for. We forget why this experience means so much to us. We can choose to look at the bigger picture; likw what our lives will look like in three months when this is all over or how far we’ve come in being leaders of the out-of-doors. As catchy as that sounds right now, I hope we choose to remember the small things. Singing in the vans with the music at full blast, passing out the second we step foot into our sleeping bags, sleeping in real beds at Kenny’s party house, laughing until we cry about how ridiculously similar our farts smell, and the simplistic beauty of nature. We saw falls, the moon, the winding bends in the river- and to top off our last day out here, in the cold September air, we looked up to the sky and saw the northern lights.

I can proudly say I am blessed to have this opportunity and blessed to have twelve of the best friends here with me. What we are doing out here is something we will share forever. We’ll have a semester’s worth of inside jokes and memories that no one will understand, but I think I’m going to like it.

 - Cassidy Depoy

Day 32

9/16/14

            Well it is just another b-e-a-utiful rainy day in this magnificent country of Canada. Josh presented his interpretation topic covering the life of the voyageurs and the importance they had in the fur trade. The life we have been living the past 24 days on the river is not even comparable to what the voyageurs went through. We think the rain, mud, sunless sky, and the cold is terrible, but the hivernants did this every all year round and up river as well. Each day all we are worried about are making the miles, so we can get closer to the end. The thing is we don’t make anywhere near the miles the voyageurs would go in a day. We paddle around 10-15 times in a minute, when the voyageurs paddle 55 times in a minute. It is hard to see it in the moment at times, but we have it pretty easy out here. We are only out here for 28 days with warm tents and top-notch gear. Though we may think these are the worst conditions at times, we know that this is an experience of a lifetime. Each day I learn something new and try and find a way to put it into perspective. Each day is a new challenge in itself with different decisions made each day. Do I wake up at 5:30 or 6 am? Do I put these damp socks on or put on a dry pair and risk not having a dry pair? Do I wear my heavy weight pants or my thin pair? Do we have to portage today? What do I and how much do I bring for lunch? Each day is different and we, mainly I, struggle to answer them everyday. One thing is true though I would never trade these struggles for anything else, this is an experience of a lifetime. I try to adapt to each day dealt to me and go through the day as content as possible. As I listened to the voyageurs quote that Josh told us during his presentation about living the life of a voyageur day in and day out, I compared it to how we live and breathe ECOEE:

“I can carry a canoe, paddle, portage, and sing with any person in this group. I have been 24 days a canoe woman, and 27 years in service; no portage was ever to long for me and Kenny’s chants I could sing along to. I have navigated through haystacks, have had 12 great companions and great food. I spent all my money in pleasure. Were I young again, I would spend my life the same way over. There is no life so happy as a ECOEE’s life!”

Cheyenne Wilson

Day 31

September 15, 2014

            Another day another dollar, a phrase said and heard often back home, at work, or even in civilization for that matter. For us though, it’s something like another day another camp site, another day another rapid, another day another portage… another bear bag being hung, packed lunch of snacks or leftovers, a throw together dinner with whatever our cook groups have left of their rations, a debrief in the dark, a life story from someone in the group, a 5:30 wake up to get the most out of our day and plenty of other things that aren’t really considered normal. Our lives right now are just that though, they’re not considered normal. It’s said it takes three weeks to break a habit, 21 days. Today is day 23 for the river expedition and how we’re living finally feels normal. Although we’re frequently reminded by Jeff that we’re not where we’re supposed to be by now or that we “put our brains in our back pocket”, maybe that’s because the first 21 days we were breaking our habits. Our habits of being able to get by without thinking all of the time, or to get by with all of the conveniences at home or on campus back at school, being able to escape situations in whatever way you wanted. This may be close to the end of the river expedition but not ECOEE and our upcoming back country experiences. We might not be where we should be by now, but I’m positive we can get to where we need to be in the end with staying away from old habits and focusing on what we can truly be as individuals and as a group, we will succeed.

-Greg Strobel

Day 30

14 September 2014

            Our thirtieth day of ECOEE dawned as most mornings in Canada dawn, cloudy and just a very little, teeny, tiny bit on the chilly side. We were not phased as we strapped on our headlamps and illuminated our patch of the world before the sun could stir itself. This business is old hat by now.

            So old hat by now that we, to borrow a phrase I've heard in the past, "put our brains in our back pockets." Our attitude toward the river has become complacent. We ran a rapid without scouting it, and Jeff let us know how unacceptable that was once camp was pitched at Thunder Falls.

            This was a fitting day for this particular lesson. Mistakes are made often in this world, and the consequences are big and long lasting out here. Today we saw two ripped up canoes--one at the bottom of "The Graveyard," and the other floating only a hundred yards or so from where I am now.

            Our campsite tonight is a reminder of what could be. A destroyed boat keeping its vigil in the eddie below the falls, and an array of clothes left to dry by their owner--an owner who is nowhere to be found.

            There are lessons to be taken away from here. We are not, no matter how much we may feel it, any more special than others on this river. We've seen bits and pieces of lives on this trip. The items on our beach, for example. Their owner is probably as happy-go-lucky as we are--and look what happened to his day. I do not want us to have a day like that. We must remain vigilant for any impending accidents, and stop them.

            Our days are consistently overcast and cloudy, but they're still the brightest that I've seen in a long while because of our expedition members' personalities. Losing one of you would permanently darken the rest of our days. So keep a weather eye out for yourself.

            Also, who built this Alps tent? I mean, what person actually sat down and thought that walls at a forty-five degree angle were a good idea? And vestibule zippers that go so far out at such extreme angles? This tent is less than well-thought out. And thank goodness I am not claustrophobic because it is not a four person tent with four man-sized men in it. I can't even lay on my sleeping pad without my shoulder touching Greg's. I'll be writing them a letter, to be sure.

                                                                                                            Most Respectfully,

                                                                                                            Anthony Killion

Day 29

9/13/14

I’m just sitting here thinking without a thought at all

Today I feel empty emotions at a stall.

I can’t really say why I’m feeling so down

Just the usual stress with the usual frown.

Anthony this is the part where I was staring at you

You stared right back not knowing what to do.

We talked about my current writers block

While down in the water getting cleaned are our socks.

I’m so freaking glad to be out of the sand

Sleeping and cooking on solid land.

Today on the portages I feel like I killed it

Thank you Jeff for the popcorn from the skillet.

This trip is turning out to be much different than I expected

Like the difference between being talked to and texted.

Yeah sure we all know what we were told

But the words never set the idea never sold.

I don’t know about y’all but for me it’s a recurring situation

Where people say this and that yet I’m still thinking vacation.

I guess because I’ve always thought life should be a breeze

But now I’m working so hard breaths are more like a wheeze.

It’s on the inside where I’m having these battles and such

I feel like 28 days is way too much.
I feel like now even three weeks would be fine

But I’m sure it’ll all make more sense down the line.

I can’t help but always see the big picture, the end credits

But this isn’t a story you’d read about on Reddit.

I’d like to change the subject that to me is quite pressing

Ladies how does it feel to not worry about all the dressings.

A couple of you have told me that you feel much more happy

And I must tell you without it you look far from crappy.

Because with it you look and act like different beings

Constantly hiding the person we’re never seeing.

And I know it’s hard because society demands it

But next time you get the idea to put on makeup back hand it.

None of you need those facial enhancers

You have two eyes and those are perfect romancers.

All you need is another pair to look into and gaze

And when you realize this you will be truly amazed.

But this realization won’t come quick it will come in time

With this I bid you adieu, I am done with this rhyme.

Day 28

9/12/14

Today we totally rocked it! With a total of roughly 18 miles and 3 portages, this group made a push that was worthy of the big comfy campsite that we all call home for tonight. The day started out with a morning that no man, woman, nor child should ever have to experience. At about 6:15 am we were all, very reluctantly, out of our warm comfy tents and lacing still wet boots over still sopping socks. It’s an experience that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Not because it sucked, but because it would make my worst enemy a stronger person in the end. ”It builds character” and the old corny saying goes. But it’s true. No one was comfortable or all that motivated this morning but we somehow managed to push through and get the job done. After shooting through the last bit of Barrel Rapids we made it to calm smooth waters. I mean it was really some calm water. Being in the front of the very first canoe in our convoy I felt like I was floating through the sky because when I looked down it felt like I was looking up. The calm water made a perfect mirror. It felt like at any moment I might slip through the mirror and fall forever into the sky. I felt very at peace. The most at peace I think I have felt on this expedition. The calm serenity of the totally wild woods around me and the sound of only quiet paddle strokes made me feel very grateful to be where I was. It’s just one of those places in time that you never expect to be in. I try my hardest to be completely present in those moments and take them for what they are worth. There are only 6 more days left on our Missinabi journey if we can make it to Matice within that time. Either way, I can only imagine the overwhelming joy and sense of accomplishment that we will all feel when our boats slide up into what-ever shore and we can all officially say that we have made it. That impending joy is one of the main things that keeps me going. Because with this journey, the reward at the end is knowing that you did it. That WE did it. That a bunch of lazy college students pulled together with the help of one of the most amazing instructors in the country to pull off ~200 miles of canoeing in a month’s time. That’s something that only a very, very small handful of people can say they have done. I would love to be able to wrap up this journal entry with an inspiring quote but I can’t think of anything. I’m exhausted and the sound of these rapids is putting me to sleep. So may you all be happy, healthy, and peaceful. Good night.

Day 27

9/11/14

After taking a dip yesterday in the forty-degree Missinaibi water, my socks, boots, pants, underwear, coat, three layers of sweaters, bra, mittens, and rain gear are all wet. Maybe not a problem for you all at home with warm homes and dryers, but for us there is no warmth but body warmth. I wish I could take a hairdryer to my undergarments, get them nice and toasty, but instead I lay in my sleeping bag filled with damp socks and fleece attempting to evaporate some of that moisture. “But Cassidy,” you say, “just hang it out to dry. Let the sun do his job.” Well, friends, the rain and terrible weather here is RELENTLESS. There is no hanging my clothes out to dry, but rather hanging my clothes out to wash them. Did you also know that a fire must be at least 50 feet from any tarp or tent? Our fire only lasted about 10 minutes before our lovely instructor made us “put it out” due to it being only around 7 feet from our sleeping bags- regardless of the 45 minutes it took to gather enough dry material in the entire Ontario rainforest to supply a 10 minute fire.

We are in better spirits today, surprisingly enough. The rain let up after just over 12 hours of off and on mist the previous day; enough time for us to actually get out of our damp sleeping bags to make ourselves a brunch of vegetarian chili. The food here really is great, considering the dehydrated mess that it is. I’ve learned to give it an entirely different meaning. You eat for enjoyment while we eat for warmth. We eat for energy. I am putting butter in my hot chocolate and spreading peanut butter on the cheese I have left so that I can make it through the day. Just as any backcountry experience, an expedition runs on its stomach.

These next few days are not getting any easier. I have found myself pushing harder than ever before to look past how cold my fingers are or how painfully numb my toes are because the top priority of mine is getting off this stinkin’ river and into some warm dry clothes. This is the one thing you can’t prepare yourself for. You can only hope for a good mindset and ideal weather. The rest is on you to push through any boundary of comfort you’ve built up for yourself. ECOEE is more than just a class. It is more than just a minor. This is my life, now. Why I thought my life was hard before ECOEE, I have no idea. I look at these rapids ahead of us with bigger fears than I have ever known in my life. At least I can pretend that somewhere down the road it will all be worth it.

Cassidy Depoy

Day 26

9/10/14

What is colder than cold? ONTARIO. That’s how I felt today. It was our second day on the rapids and oh me oh my we all got a tad bit wet from the shallow rapids. It has been a rough 2 days for muah. As you may have heard I have graced my body in the Missinaibi four times, as you fall in this fine river you come to find its surprisingly warm and comforting until you realize you are in a raging rapid. For the most part this group seems to be doing fine on the rapids. I have been in my tent all day sleeping cause of sub 40 degree Canadian typhoon. As the final days tick down I sit here wondering in my only pair of dry clothes how will this end. I have come to the conclusion that the sun is a myth in Canada. So as Marshall once said “If you have chance one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted would you capture it or let it slip?” So the end is near and before you know it we will be out west. So how will you remember Canada will you remember all the adventures and hardships we endured or will you let the memories slip away eh.

- Kenny Bambini

Day 25

September 9th

Today was a day full of first times. It was the first day on the river, first time canoeing rapids, climbing up rapids, and nose and toes down rapids. Which left us with a lot of bumps and bruises. For those of you back home nose and toes is when you stand at the top of a set of rapids and sit down with your nose up and toes up and ride them all the way down to the bottom. After we went down the rapids we cleaned up are scrapes and bumps before we went down the rapids with empty canoes. For many of us it was our first time running rapids which can be pretty scary, but we all made it through. Further down the river we were faced with a class 1 rapid. When you approach any rapid you have to scout first to look for a clear path to go down. When approaching a rapid you look for a “V” which is a section where you can enter. Then you look further down the rapid for haystacks, which is where there the water dips down, and can become very dangerous if you enter them. After making it to camp that night I am glad I can look to my left and right and so we have accomplished so much, and that I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  Every day I am constantly reminded that I am learning in one of the best classrooms that one can ask for.

Vickey Benhart

Day 24

September 8^th, 2014

The paddle has formed calluses on my hand. Josh is promising to make me queen of everything I see. I wonder how far we have gone. Cassidy’s strokes are in sync with mine. I hear the soft noise of water dripping off the paddle. I feel wind burnt. We are singing “Mirror in the sky what is love. Wont the child within my heart rise above.” There is a distant deep grumble coming from the boat in front of me. I assume it is John’s voice. We are switching sides pretty often to keep ourselves entertained. I am much warmer today than I was yesterday. I again am wondering how far we have gone and when we will be stopping at our destination. My warm hands brush lightly against the cold water. My hair is getting blown everywhere. Josh sings “I’ll put you on the map, Ill cure you of disease”. Finally we are stopped after a hard day, maybe the hardest. We all need a group dinner and group cuddle. I jump in the water with my Partner in Crime Josh. We get asked to fill the dromedaries and josh goes under trying to catch the Nalgene that was thrown. I thought for a second he wasn’t coming back up. There is a full moon every twenty eight days and tonight must be day twenty eight. John let me check out the moon with his binoculars. I sit under this moon to write my journal. That chili mac was so good I could eat more right now but I think I will just go to sleep. I hope we all have fun tomorrow while we are sent down the rapids.

-Haley Brasile 

Day 23

Day 23 9/7/2014

                As I sit here in Ontario Canada listening to group members speaking softly and settle in for the night I stay awake to think of something profound. I should like others to read what I have written and think of deeper meanings. I would like to describe the night, the breeze as it gently nips at my skin, the waterfall in the distance that rushes day after day, and the moon that is brighter than I have ever known it to be.

                But you know the most profound thing is that over a year ago I thought to myself, “You know that program looks interesting. Getting to do outdoor stuff for a semester sounds great.” I thought that it would be great getting to learn more about technical skills and of course becoming a better leader. Not once did I think about the other people who would choose the same path. Never did I think that I would need to evaluate someone on their ability to love.

                When I first saw this program l was comfortable with camping for months. I was comfortable with getting dirty. Getting to see nature every day. Now that I am here the nature that I have come for is quickly changing. I no longer see beautiful trees and sunsets. The nature has faded away. My focus is on the 12 minds that are here with me.

                The people here are profound. We have plenty of miles to go still and rapids to run. There will be good days and bad days but soon enough these late nights and early mornings will simply be memories and when we leave here we won’t just think of the views, we will think of the person to our left and to our right.  ECOEE is not Me it is We.

John 

Day 22

It’s another day on the water. This morning we left our home of three days, tearing down our tents and tucking all our belongings into two dry bags which we then strapped in a canoe. We were off to find a new home for we will never be content to stay in one place. We must constantly push on toward the river that always draws us nearer.

As we paddled, I fell into the rhythm of the canoe. Stroke after stroke, we moved forward, a caravan of canoes. Looking around I saw the blue skies, the calm waters and the abundant forests. A thought occurred to me as I paddled, simple though it was: This is going to be my life for the next fourteen days. Take down camp, paddle, set up camp. Take down camp, paddle, set up camp. Take down camp, paddle, set up camp. Deconstruct our home, paddle, build a new home. As I thought about these things, the pattern of our lives on the river, I was reminded of a song often sung around the fire at Camp Nicolet:

The life of a voyageur

That of a sojourner

Travelling around and round

But not from town to town

Paddles the lakes and streams

Follows the distant dream

Peace on the waterway

Blue skies or cloudy day

My heart has but one home

From which I’ll never roam

Land of true happiness

Canadian Wilderness

The call of a lonely loon

Coyotes howling at the moon

Wind rustling through the trees

That’s the Canadian breeze

Smoke rising from the fire

Up to the trees that stately spire

All is calm in the evening glow

Sun goes down, no North winds blow

My heart has but one home

From which I’ll never roam

Land of true happiness

Canadian Wilderness

Jillian Ross

Day 21

9/5/14

            It is 10:30 at night and Haley and I sit here under the group tarp surrounded by the group food bags and tents full of sleeping companions. Why on earth would we be doing this you ask, well we are the first two up for bear watch? Yes, I said bear watch!!! Last night we had our first visitor at camp, but not the kind that we would all hope for. For the most of us that was the first time ever seeing a bear, let alone one with her cub. Jeff has all warned and told us what to do if we encounter one, but it is completely different when it is really there eating your food. This morning was the fastest me tent group has got up all week. Being woken up by something rustling and faint sounds of tin cans moving in the old water silo was enough for me to roll over and wake up John. He looks at me with this annoyed look and says, “It is just the wind Cheyenne, there is no way the bear came back after all of that commotion last night”, then riiiiip. John and I were out of that tent in two seconds flat. There she was with her cub in the old water silo where all of our bear bags were hanging eating on someone’s cheese. Thankfully some cheese was all that was lost and our tent groups fry bake pan.  Needless to say after a few hour search we got the pan back and were able to bake a delicious chocolate cake for our last night together as tent mates. It is always a little sad when I have to change tent groups at the end of the week.  You have your own system of doing things and I like the way that John, Anthony, and I became much closer friends. Kenny has really made me realize this week that I need to be more patient and let people do things their own way. I see myself growing along with the others each and every day. We are all becoming more and more aware of our surroundings, along with the flow of the group. Some days it is hard to be here, but I just need to stay true to myself ant the others, so we can keep growing. Hopefully this group will reach the performing stage. As Haley and I are finishing up our hour of bear watch had quickly passed by. Two of my tent mates are next in the great adventure of bear watching and you think I would be headed to bed, but my other tent mate is not in there yet. So it looks like I will be on the lookout with Kenny and John.

Cheyenne Wilson

Day 20

4 September 2014

            It is day twenty of the expedtion, and I am pleased with where our camp is. My group, after all, did find a toilet of sorts on wheels which made this morning much easier after last night's doughnuts. But regardless of where we are now, I will be happy to push on, deeper into Canada.

            I'm normally very happy to be out and about on the water up here (except for us using boats like canoes which tip over with the lightest of breezes), but the travelling has brought a melancholy note to mind.

            As I paddle along, I can hear the voice of one of my favorite professors in my head. He is loudest whenever we come across the prettiest of views: "Mr. Killion, it still astounds me that you want to do stuff like this. Wouldn't you rather stay indoors with the internet? Bahahahaha! I'm not serious. It is fantastic that this is what you love. Please do it every day. But I want you to remember, this land is not yours! Nor is it Canada's. We, white Europeans, stole it from other people. Just remember, as you paddle along, what you see used to belong to others with a history and customs as unique as your own." And I do hear you, Dr. Pearce, loud and clear.

            It is, I believe, important for us to keep in mind as we continue our semester. Yes, we took the land from others. That is terrible. But on the bright side, look at how lucky we are. We get to see and do things all across the continent that so few get the opportunity to do. That is awesome.

            But now I must apologize. I realize I have most of a page left in the journal to finish, but  I feel like Death right now. So, I will take care of myself to take care of the group. I am off to bed. Again, truly sorry about the length.

            To close, I will leave you with something Dan Harmon once said. He is a writer and said this in better and fewer words than I will, but I hope I am conveying the same sentiment:

            "We humans spend so much of our time trying to actively get better every day and reach 'perfection.' But in striving to reach perfection, think of all the time you've wasted and opportunities for natural, spontaneous improvement you missed by trying to artificially create your betterment and perfection. Just relax and live the finite life you have. You get better everyday just by living and being you. Just remember, you'll be perfect when you're dead."

                                                                                                Most Respectfully,

                                                                                                Anthony Killion

Day 19

For the first time since day one, we actually got to sleep in. I didn’t have to wake up until 7! Sleep is something I have always taken for granted. Out here, time is something completely different. Of course we have watches we are constantly eye-balling and classes and lessons to be taught each day, but the time gets away from you. It has gotten to the point on the expedition where I am having trouble distinguishing the days. Days are so long on the river that this morning seems like last week and dinner seems like it happened yesterday. Looking back, you forget what made the day or made it a total wreck. I wonder, was it watching each of us fall thigh-deep into the bog as we struggled to lift our packs out of the canoes and onto our backs? Was it Jack Frost slapping us in the face as we attempt to control an unruly canoe across a wide span of unruly water? Was it the enormous pine practically snapping underneath the weight of a long-lived-in eagle nest?

                We settle into camp after these long days and reminisce on the day now behind us. We look around our debriefing circle waiting for the person across from us to speak up first, wondering what direction we’ll take in reliving the day. We already know what will be remembered, and what will be remembered is what made the day totally terrible or totally great. But instead of evaluating our day in terms of the skills we’re trying to practice, we take the first seconds to share a laugh (The humor in this group is top-notch). We also look around the circle and we see our friends, all of whom are feeling the same things we are. Tonight, we shared even deeper feelings than just any other night. I am getting to know every single person here on a level I never expected. I can feel myself opening up to this group and becoming more to this group than I ever even wanted.

As we all share our stories over the next couple weeks, who know what we’ll learn or what we’ll share. When the days run together and the stories all sound the same, we can hold onto these people around us. At least these people won’t change like the weather does (or maybe they will). Looking back we will know that what we do here together is all adding to our life story.

Cassidy Depoy

Day 18

September 2nd, 2014

“I am here for the dirt, I am here for the hurt. I am here for the heat and here to be beat. I am here for the cold and to be taught by the old.”
Today started off with an emotional debrief. There is nothing more beautiful than to be in Canada on a cliff with twelve other unique souls talking about real emotions and about real decisions. I felt true pain for the man who froze to death in Jeff’s story this morning. All our actions and decisions catch up to us and sometimes it is too late to correct them. We started our day on the river with high tension because simple actions and simple decisions had built up within the group that had misdirected our focus to thinking about things that may not really matter. The LOW’s today; Greg, Jillian and I made a complex decision that really hit deep. We all may have been thinking that the decision to cross the river was not a very dangerous one. That thought got quickly swept away with the crashing of the waves. Jeff’s voice crashed into us along with the waves and quickly our actions became much more serious. The spirit of the group tonight makes me smile. I am sitting up here with Greg, Cassidy and Curtis and I am once again reminded why I chose to take the long way home.
-Haley Brasile

Day 17

September 1, 2014

Well it’s hard to believe it’s almost September already, and that 17 days ago we said our goodbyes to our family members, and loved ones until December. Not knowing what was going to happen was probably one of the scariest things about ECOEE. Today began as a bright and sunny day as we packed our river bags. Our day was shortly interrupted by rain and thunder. We were forced to stay in our tents for sometime until the all clear was called. After the all clear was called the decision was made to continue our journey down the river. After sometime of paddling we found ourselves battling the wind and waves, but our group never quit. As we continued to paddle a very dark rain cloud was quickly heading our way. As we continued to paddle the rain cloud got closer and closer. We soon realized that we wouldn’t beat the rain that was quickly heading in our direction and our destination felt even further away. We continued to but our group didn’t let the rain bring us down, carrying on our conversations and still singing. When we arrived at camp for the night we struggled to make our way to the top of very slick rocks that surrounded the island we were camping on. Even though today was a very difficult day we all worked together to bring light to the situation. Though in reality it did help that Kenny left his dry bag open and it filled with water.

Vickey Benhart 

Day 16

8/31

The other night my tone came across as aggressive

But this was only because my emotions were suppressive.

You gotta understand I only want what’s best for the group

I would never spend my time hatin on the troops.

Notice I say troops because we’re out here fighting

The weather, the terrain, sometimes each other, and sometimes the lightning.

We’re fighting the cold and the pain and figuring out what to wear

But at least were rid of that pesky black bear.

Between me and Anthony and Cassidy and Kenny

If we got paid for flippin wed make a pretty penny.

I honestly thought I’d get through the whole MIssinaibi

Without flipping the canoe and getting soaked just maybe.

But Cassidy don’t feel bad because hey, get this

Sometime in the future it’ll be something I miss.

Seriously don’t beat yourself up it could’ve been anyone

In retrospect that experience was actually fun.

But on with this river and to Mattice we must go

We’ve got many miles to kill and no time to blow.

I cannot wait to finally get to the end

Buy some soda and skittles and get in touch with some friends.

I think most of all I miss my music and my bed

But these are all things that we’ve said and we’ve said.

This trip is making me appreciate more things

Like the little comforts and all the small things.

I miss my family now much more than I have ever

But then again a trip like this I’ve taken never.

So guys this is it one more week on this river

We need to get through this cold and beat away the shivers.

Let’s get though the miles and get through these days

And at the end we’ll dine and shower in beautiful ways.

But for now this next week lets remain in the moment here

And maybe at some point later we’ll celebrate with a beer.

Say hello to a new LOW group and a new week

And remember that its growth and development we seek.

So keep your mind open and your body ready

And keep your boats clean and straight and steady.

Let’s keep in line and keep a good pace

We’re not in this to win this because it’s not a race.

But everyday we’ll keep on our game face

And Mattice is the place we will chase

And when Jeff is not looking we’ll celebrate with a case ;)

Day 15

August 30, 2014

Today was day seven on our canoe journey and it happens to be our "free day." So we started our day with a physically/ emotionally super charged 1st week tent debrief... Just kidding thee feedback we received was very helpful and I hope others in this group and myself work their hardest to improve on what they need to work on. So as this week goes on i'm sure we will all see improvement from our actions. For example I am not a good cook. So I hope to learn from master chef john. So as I sit here a day before a long journey to our next campsite and the oh so exciting first portage. So as I am dreading to get this moment over.So am I enjoying these hashbrowns mixed with bacon and ham TVP for dinner and thinking how this journey is going to goand I can't think of a conclusion. Just remember this journey is in our hands and we have to make every second the best we can or whats the point. If someones having a bad day pick them them up and carry them with you so as i depart on the next leg of this canoe trip in Ontario I leave you with a quote that has stuck with me.
" You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over analyzing a situation; trying to put pieces together, justifying what could have and would've happend.. or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and "portage on"

-Kenny Bambini

Day 14

August 29, 2014

            “The more you learn, the more you learn you need to learn more… and more…” Something I heard today that Josh said. I heard this today and shook my head in complete agreement and laughed a little bit…. But after thinking about it, there couldn’t be a more true statement about learning. ECOEE is definitely in class mode right now with lesson after lesson and task after task and it is clear to me that all of us will gain so many things throughout this course. Knowledge, skill, strength, and a bond. An ECOEE bond, something less than 500 people can say they have. It’s something that is different for each group but I’m sure similar in so many ways too. While our friends back at WIU campus go about their day with a normal classroom and a bus to keep them dry on the way there, we are paddling miles to our next class and setting up a tarp to keep us dry while we have class. We all sit in a circle and get to look at everyone in their eyes and make connections, our classroom has the professor sitting right there with us on the same level providing real examples and stories to make sure each one of us understands. So we definitely do not have it the easiest, but we don’t want it to be that way either. This is the best classroom I’ve ever been in… and conveniently, it’s open all night so I can finish these evals and LOW work that has to get done.

-Greg Strobel

Day 13

8/28/2014

                Today was our longest day of paddling yet. Today we drifted past trees clinging to a rock face. As we passed them I wondered how they took root and survived in an environment that could break loose at any point. The trees did not appear to be the strongest. They most likely were lacking several nutrients. They could grow strong if they took root in the soft level ground above them, but no.

                Those trees took root in a tough environment where the ground may break loose, the wind may blow them over, the water could wash them away, or maybe they will live longer than any tree before or after.

                We are the trees clinging to the rock face. We could take the easy way. We could stay on level ground where we know the soil to be full of good things. We would be safe from the wind, safe from the water, and safe from the Earth crumbling below us.

             But No we choose to live on the edge. Where life may be tough but unlike the others we get to feel the wind blow until we almost fall. We get to see the water rush just past our feet. Though the Earth below us may crumble and shake, we stand our ground. We may not live the longest but we live the fullest life – one worth living – for we are the trees standing our ground on the rock face.

John 

Day 12

8/27/14

Day twelve. Today was our second day at this awesome campsite. The day began at 7 am with a slow wake up by everyone. It seemed that no one had the time to cook anything for breakfast other than coffee. At eight we all met for another by Anthony that was eventually taken over by Jeff. Jeff had each cook group follow an orienteering course that led us in a triangular path into and out of the woods to test our understanding of how to use the compass. Each group ended up about 30 paces from their original starting point. Not bad, in my opinion, but Jeff still had a lot more to teach us. However, I did learn a lot and really appreciated the lesson on how to keep a bearing. I feel more confident in my ability to not get lost when I am armed with just a compass. After that I was scheduled to to give a lesson on topographical maps’ colors and symbols but it got rained out and pushed back to after lunch. My lesson went well despite Jeff stepping in when I started teaching more than just the map colors and symbols. I wasn’t that bothered by it considering saw it coming. Jeff sometimes feels like the big bad cop, but, every day I appreciate his expertise and experience more and more. Tomorrow is going to be a long hard day of paddling again and on top of that it will be our first portage. I’m nervous and excited at the same time. Thankfully we’re getting better at this stuff so our bear bags are getting hung faster and everything else seems to get done a little bit quicker, which is good because we’re going to be doing this stuff FA DAYS!

-Curtis Stark

Day 11

8/26/14

WOOOOOOOOO! Day eleven! Seems more like day one-hundred eleven. Today started out with a cold windy morning. After we got bear bags down, breakfast eaten, cleaned up, and camp broken, we packed our dry bags and set sail for our next campsite, but, not before a quick orienteering lesson from our own Anthony Killion. The paddle started out slow and zig-zaggy, at least, for John and I. Turns out I’m not so good at keeping the canoe on a straight path. Thankfully we stopped at about two miles to switch places in the canoe. However, we stopped on the windward side of an island, which Jeff told us is the wrong side to stop on. Jeff seems to miss an opportunity to tell us what we’re doing wrong. After that we headed down the river a couple more miles to our campsite, which is a pretty legit campsite if you ask me. Instead of a narrow rocky bank like the last one its flat, sandy, and BIG! We’ve got enough room to spreads out our tents so far apart we can’t even hear each other. Also, our tarp construction skills have gone from amateur to nearly pro after Greg’s tarp construction lesson. I’m pretty stoked to be here from another night. As far as academics go, we had a couple of few hours of class today. Jeff had us open our manuals and take a sort of personality test to help each of us learn our most prominent decision making style. Turns our most of us are product orientated which means more concerned with getting things done and done right. Haley and I are more idea orientated, Cassidy and Tiffany are people orientated, while John stood all by his lonesome in the process orientated group. It was very enlightening to get an insight into peoples’ thought processes and what they are most concerned with when working with a group of people. I have attached a sketch of the view from our beach.

-Curtis Stark

Day 10

August 25, 2014

There is an old story about two men – one who built his house on the sand and another who built his on the rock. As the story goes, the man who built his house on the sand was rather arrogant. After all, he did own beachfront property. He often looked down on his neighbor who owned a humble abode among the rocks. Despite what his neighbor believed, this man was content, and so both were quite happy until one night when a great storm rolled in from the sea. The house on the sand was demolished by the giant waves and the powerful winds. But the house on the rocks stood strong through the storm.

When I first applied to ECOEE, I was like the man who built his house upon the sand – maybe not quite as superior in mindset – but I definitely felt like I had a solid foundation of leadership skills and enough outdoor living experience to get me through ECOEE. It would be a challenge, but nothing I couldn’t handle. And to a certain extent, I think we all felt this way. We thought we had what it takes, no questions asked. But the storm that greeted me upon the beginning of this expedition quickly proved me wrong. I was tossed and turned by overwhelming waves and, in the end, I found my house was gone, destroyed. I would have to begin again from scratch.

Luckily, I am not as forsaken as the man in the story. I am not alone. I have ten fellow expedition members, a caring graduate assistant and one sarcastic, yet well-intentioned professor, all of whom want to see me succeed, and are willing to help and encourage me every step of the way. They are here to help me rebuild. As we started our lessons today, I know we are building our own kingdom, humble as it may be, along the rocks.

Jillian Ross

Day 9

 August 24

            Day nine of our little expedition. The sun rose on a content, yet slightly disorganized group. We had encamped at the Bains' residence the night before and enjoyed their hospitality. They are a delightful couple.

            We awoke to high spirits after our sojourn into Wawa the night before. The general store had us in fits of laughter. Kenny bought a ridiculously awesome Canada onesie and the "introvert club" procured two bear hats.

            Today was, in my most humble opinion, the most overwhelming day. We were introduced to a good deal of stress and perceived risk. Our limits were given hints at what they will soon be pushed to. It will be a very interesting twenty-seven remaining days.

            This Missinaibi trip is going to force us to improve our canoeing skills, drastically. For me, that is packing a non-tippy canoe. For others, different skills. But this canoe trip also offers something good for us.

            This canoe trip is an opportunity for our group to get, so to speak, back to its roots. The qualities and skills being tested right now are the same proficiencies that this group developed and bonded over merely four months ago. If we focus over the next twenty-seven days, and really try, we will get back to what inspired and drove us then. And I truly look forward to that, because that was when and where I fell in love with each and every person here. Truly some of the best people--a slice of the personalities that make this field something that I cannot get enough of.

            But aside from the stresses of the day (BEAR BAGS WERE A TERRIBLE ORDEAL, BUT ALSO MADE FOR AN IMPRESSIONABLE TEACHALE MOMENT), it was not a loss. I heard loons this morning, and it was beautiful and haunting. The Birch Conifer Glaciated Forest that we are in is absolutely gorgeous, and I don't believe I will ever tire of staring at it.

            This is beautiful country and we ought to explore and appreciate it whilst we are here. Just today I saw a beaver dam and could imagine some trapper for Astor's company harvesting their pelts. It was quite the experience.

            The stars are beautiful tonight, and I am enjoying myself. But my fellow LOWs need me, so I must be off. We're really getting into it now. We're going to carpe the rest of our diems. To borrow from the French, allons-y!

                                                                                                Most Respectfully,

                                                                                                Anthony Killion

Day 8

August 23, 2014

We are finding it increasingly difficult to live among twelve best friends with such conflicting personalities. It takes a conscious effort to get along and keep ourselves from killing each other at times. It is so easy to get caught up in our own conflicts and drama that forget why we are here. Though all our reasons are different, we forget that our goals are all the same. We came to fill our person legend and become stronger people in the process. We came for the adventure, the scholastics, and the change. ECOEE is a hell that we all need in our lives, and for whatever reason we are accepting of it. We can see that light at the top of the well- our feet are submerged in the water and we see no possible way out. The slippery walls are intimidating and frankly, we don’t know how to climb.

Today, we spend our last day in civilization. We indulged ourselves with our last warm meal free of dehydrated cheese and TVP. We even took a trip into a nearby town to do our touristy things and have some college-kid fun. Today, we put aside our mountains of homework to just be here with each other. Understanding the importance of getting done what needs to get done so that we have time for ourselves is something we are well versed in now. I mean, we are “recreation” majors after all.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of what may be the longest, but hopefully the shortest, twenty-eight days of our lives. Of course we will encounter the most extreme fears, conflict, and stress along the way. It will be hard to remember why we fell in love with the outdoors while the mosquitos nag in our ears, and it will be easy to forget how these people sitting next to us care and love us. We’ll surely need daily reminders; positivity to keep us going, laughs to keep us sane, and hugs to say, yes- we are all people who need hugs once in a while. So when we are angry, upset, tired, frustrated, and pissed off… Look to the person on your left, the person on your right, and know WE are all in the same boat.

-Cassidy Depoy